How to Help Your Brain Survive Christmas

According to a recent copy of the London Evening Standard, the ‘official British Christmas’ involves ‘a drink, a doze and a family row.’  Sound familiar? Maybe not, but many of us suffer a few Christmas traumas, which are survivable, provided that we take the right steps.

The concept of the ‘screen saver’ was invented to stop computer screens displaying the shadow of static information.  So ‘flying toasters’ and other strange objects hurtled across our computer screens protecting them from burning an indelible image of something less desirable.

These days, our minds are bombarded with far too much information and the idea of a screen saver for the mind begins to make sense.  Here are three ideas to help give your brain a break this Christmas.

A New World Order

So let’s imagine that you are travelling to visit your relations in a train which goes into a tunnel (or you could be on an underground train – works even better).  Above ground, the world is devastated by a thermonuclear explosion (always a cheery Christmas thought!) and the people in your compartment are all who are left to populate the new world.  So look round and decide who becomes the new world leader, who ties up with whom, and how will this new world order evolve?  Frankly, you can take this scenario as far as you like.  What will their children look like?  How long will it be before society collapses?

What Are They Doing Here?

But let’s not be quite so pessimistic.  The world hasn’t ended - you have just been forced to go to a restaurant with your family and need to find some way of not being too bored by the usual ‘you’ll never guess who has just died?... ‘.  Now, I assume that everyone looks round in a restaurant and wonders what links the people at the adjacent table – are they with their grown up children? Is that his mother who is looking cross? Don’t they look like sisters? and so on.

To make it interesting, here’s a twist.  Now imagine the least likely reason for these people to be there.  Maybe they were abducted by aliens ten years ago and have just been returned to Earth from the plant Zorg?  Or are they train spotters on a night out?  Maybe they have won a competition organised by a TV show and will be contestants tomorrow? Let your imagination run wild.  This can be quite a good competitive event if others are getting bored too and it’s also useful if you do a lot of eating alone on business trips!

How Do I Get There?

And finally, you are in church with your parents and the vicar decides that he (or she - let’s not be sexist) has to take advantage of this once a year opportunity to hit you with a long sermon.  Your mind wanders.  How do you look engaged?

Ideally, it’s an old fashioned church with pews but even if it isn’t, imagine that the whole building has been turned on its side.  How can you get from where you are to somewhere else without touching the ground?  And you can’t use ropes (but we might allow the furniture to stay in place).  There are usually four sides to a church and you can also go upside down, so this can stretch to fill quite a long sermon.

Okay, these ‘screen savers for the mind’ won’t make Christmas go with a swing but they might just help you survive the festive season with your brain intact (or only damaged by alcohol).  Remember, most murders are not carried out by strangers – there are usually perpetrated by close friends or family members!   Happy Christmas!

Last updated: December, 2009

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